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This forum offers parents the opportunity to voice their own experiences of international parental child abduction, and related issues, and to share useful information with others in a similar situation.

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Taking daughter to Tunisia to visit her father

by Cara / Posted 09/04/2009 / Updated 21/04/2009

Hi, I have a 13 week old daughter with my Tunisian partner, although I don´t think he would make any problems for me, I still need advice as my daughter is my world and I could not bear anything to happen to her. The problem is he is unable to come to visit us in the UK, he has not seen his daughter yet and the only way is for me to travel there. We are not married and he is not on the birth certificate. What chance would he have to stop me from returning to the UK with her? I don´t think he would do this but i have to be cautious as its my little girl. Just the thought of that happening makes me feel sick, any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Responses

From shanty / Posted: 14/04/2009
Dear Cara,

Why cant he come to the UK on a holiday visa? Perhaps you could pay for it??
From ac / Posted: 16/04/2009
Hi Cara, while your little girl is your daughter ... remember that she is also the daughter of her father, his ´little girl´. You have to accept that quite likely that he, the father, is going out of his mind not having his little girl in his life. It is underestandable that you want to protect your child however without proper cause this behaviour has serious negative consequnces. This is where a lot of the real problems for many couples start ... I´d hate for you to end up where so many couples are ... at each others throats and spending thousands on lawyer that should be spent making your and your child´s life better. If you don´t have problems with your partner then perhaps as normal a father daughter relationship is the best for everyone. ac
From shereen / Posted: 16/04/2009
Dear ac,

Your response is one that I wish we could say to everyone but have you any idea how hard it is to get a child back from the Middle East. Cara would not be on the reunite forum if she did not have deep rooted instincts. Trust those instincts Cara. Not all Middle Eastern men r bad- in fact a lot of them r great what worries me is why you were so worried to research and join reunite....
From ac / Posted: 18/04/2009
Shereen - I think a child abducted to ANY country is difficult to get back. Legal processes are slow at the best of times and often a parent that physically has the child/ren uses this to their advantage to draw out the process even more. Habitual residence etc etc kicks in and makes everything a whole lot muddier and painful. One just has to read some of the posts on this site to see the torment people go through, regardless of the countries involved.

Any parent with even half an ounce of sense will want to protect their child. However, it takes two people to make a child and the protective instincts of one parent should not, in my opinion, be used to withold a child from its other parent, man or woman, in the absense of obvious and demonstrated threat to the child.

Just as this 13 week old girl is the world to Cara she is probably the world to her father, who Cara says is unable to visit the UK.

What one parent sees as protecting their child, not allowing the other parent to see the apple of their eye, can be seen by the other as abductive behaviour, witholding of the most precious thing in the world to them. And this is where the slippery slope to very expensive outcomes - not just financially but emotionally too - starts.

Cara - whatever you do and however much involvement you allow the father of your daughter to have with his girl, too, is down to you. Do what you think is right for your girl, taking whatever precautions you need to ensure her safety. You may want to consider that doing the right thing for her may not necessarily mean doing the right thing for you. You are the best judge of this - good luck. ac
From shereen / Posted: 21/04/2009
Dear Ac,

I was in no way what so ever stating that children taken to non Middle Eastern countries are easier to get back-I simply am writting with regard to the Middle East as being difficult as it is non hague and is where my experience lies. All parents go through the same feelings no matter where a child is taken.

Cara- Again- your instincts!

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