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Giving up Children part two

by Molly / Posted 12/05/2009 / Updated 07/10/2011

thank you all for your responses, things just keep on going from bad to worse. I am going to talk over my dilemma in more detail with my therapist tonight. AC - thank you, I know we should be doing more. However I feel that if I leave he will be angry with me for a bit - maybe ages but will not take it out on our children. It breaks my heart to think of leaving them, now though I feel I have little choice.

Responses

From Karin / Posted: 25/06/2010
Hi. I know exactly how you are feeling... It is your health in stake.I hope you are fine now.
From Maria / Posted: 28/06/2010
I just wanted to say that I´m in the similar situation. I was. I an now getting divorced though, finally. I am in uk, but oroginally from Russia. And I don´t understand British court will be deciding for my kids where to live. And why I have to be MADE to live here as well. I came here to be with my English husband, marriage didn´t work and I wish to return to my home country. Why do I have to prove to anyone I have the right to do it with my children to whom I´ve been full time Mum for 5 years! If it was from the next town nobody would have thought to mind me moving back there with my children, but only because it´s a different country. Of course the court will find it´s too far for Father´s regular access to them and that´s why I have to settle down in a foreign for ME country with a completely new life of single Mother. The Father´s not considered at all of having the option of moving to Russia. Cause he he can´t loose his job here, exactly what I have done in Russia 5 years ago to be with him. It´s now fair why do I have to chose between my children and my home country?? And why I have to be facing this by the foreign for me country? Even children aren´t exclusively English, they´ve got Russian citizenship as well. And when a child wakes up in the night - does he think "am I in MY country?" or "where´s MY MUM"?????
From Lizzy / Posted: 28/06/2010
Hi Molly,
Oh Dear, l also know how you feel..ive never posted my story on here, although ive made comments on a few. I think most mothers like ourselves put all our enery into making sure the children are fine , especially if they are young when there is a breakup, and we forget about ourselves.My daughter was 4 when her father left to be with a ex friend of mind . she suffered really badly because this womens children were also her friends at school here in spain. Now shes neary 8 and has just gone to her fathers wedding.. in the mean time these people will make my life as difficult as they can .because of the amount of money he has to pass every month. After all the court apperances ect. i was frightened to make a wrong move in case i lost custody of our child. This year i broke the mode. instead of having to leave on the stated days for holidays over christmas, i went before , and said; sorry im not sitting here in spain on my own without our child im of to the uk . flights are before she finishes school , end of and i will be back on such a date. In febuary we was freezing cold in this house , so i told his solicitor , sorry child is freezing ive got medical things that need sorting out , tell her father to come and take her for 3 weeks .. i must state that my daughter loves her father and he is capable of looking after her just as well if not better than me..Id had a brain hemmorage before having our child.and her father makes my life even more stressfull. so i was also thinking about the possibility of now offering joint costody , or something of that nature to enable me to carry on.. The other side is , i know no court in spain would allow leave to remove , and to be honest maybe the uk is perhaps a good place for me part of the time, i wouldnt say its the best place for our daughter. ive had friends that brought their children back to the uk and they have it thought into their faces that they should have stayed in spain with their dad. ive had friends that have taken the children and lost custody.. Its always a hard choice to make , yourself or your child.. and one when made , we never know is the right one. but if your life is bad now, after such a long time and you state of mind is bad because of it.. its time to make a choice.. take care x
From vikki / Posted: 24/06/2011
Lizzy, How do you know no court in Spain would allow you leave to remove the child? There are cases that have allowed it.
I am currently in one, and have had it denied and joint custody was awarded, so that I cant ever leave. I am currently awaiting appeal, as the joint custody is very stressful for both me and my 6 year old son. As I was the sole carer of my child before the break up. I have to say I am very close to having a breakdown, with all of the stress, and I have just discovered this forum, and didnt realise how many people were in similar situations. x
From AC / Posted: 10/07/2011
Hi Molly, no need for thanks. Whatever struck a cord with you, I hope my words helped in achieving a desired outcome. There is no right or wrong answer in these crazy situations. I feel children are the innocent victoms in the games [same] adults play. Perhaps left behind parents are probably damned whatever they do? And the takers will always take, even at the expense of their own children. I empathise with your pain and whatever decision you take, I think, if you think its the best for your children then you cannot one day look back and think ´I made a mistake and my children paid the price´. Goodluck Molly. AC.

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