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This forum offers parents the opportunity to voice their own experiences of international parental child abduction, and related issues, and to share useful information with others in a similar situation.

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Custody

by Victoria Toth / Posted 21/05/2009 / Updated 03/08/2012

A Judge in Vienna has given my husband who is currently trying to divorce me temporary custody of our 9 year old son. The law here seems to favour the man, breadwinner. There seems no end in sight it is so long and drawn out. It will be twelve months next month and my son just wants to be with me.

Responses

From Peter / Posted: 03/08/2009
This is how it is for too many men to count in the UK due to our ridiculous laws
From Victoria / Posted: 10/08/2009
All our laws need changing to split equal rights between both parents!
From lisa / Posted: 13/01/2010
yh man should get the same rights as they risk their lives having kids, and it is really painful for them to have them, Breast feeding for men must suck too... child is an extension of their mother like an arm or a leg and is only DNA meters for the father. Mothers should get custody 100% were there is no abuse involved (on mothers part)
From sharon / Posted: 01/11/2010
agree with lisa.
From Phil / Posted: 05/11/2010
Not sure why you lisa and Sharron feel as you do .
As without a man sperm you would not have the child.
It takes two and the two should have equal rights, your views are completely sexist ,the child need both parents in their lives.
From Mandy / Posted: 06/11/2010
I have to disagree. A child belongs to both parents and so rights should be equal.
From Rebecca / Posted: 06/11/2010
My parents split up lots of times when I was a child, but what I remember is I always saw both of them as much as ever. I was always left at the family home, so sometimes it was my mum who would leave and go and stay with relatives, sometimes it was dad, but they made sure my life continued much the same as normal; so I stayed in my own bed every night, went to school with my friends every day. Looking back, I think they handled it great and I had a very happy childhood. I loved both of my parents and if my mum had decided that she ´owned´ me because she´d given birth to me then I´d have missed my dad dreadfully. On the plus point here, there was no domestic violence involved and neither parent abused me, and my parents did get back together again permanently. I´m sure my mum would have acted differently to protect me if I was at risk of any physical harm, but I am very glad she did not use me as a pawn to hurt my dad because she was unhappy with him. I agree that ideally children need both parents as both genders have so much to offer their child, but I only agree that children need both parents if those parents are positive role models. If one parent is consistently abusive and violent towards the other then my personal view is that the child is better off being away from that influence in its life, and if the child itself is being abused by a parent then that parent/child relationship should be ended.
From ac / Posted: 18/11/2010
LISA, SHARON - it sounds like your former partners have really got under your skin. Your personal experiences doesn´t mean all men are the same.

A child has two parents and just as you both think your child is an extension of yourselves, there are equally many decent men who feel the same. Women are not somehow special at feeling more pain if their child is taken away ... men also feel castigated at having their child taken away.
From Nicki / Posted: 19/11/2010
Well said Rebecca.
I wish it could be like that in my case because a child really does need both parents. I´m fighting my ex who has abducted my daughter. Im due to get her back, hopefully soon. I keep going over and over in my head how she can still safely have contact with her dad and paternal grandparents after this. She loves them. There must be a way, supervised or whatever until the trust is back.
From Rebecca / Posted: 23/11/2010
Hi Nicki, I don´t think the trust ever comes back 100%, but the old cliche of ´time is a great healer´ does ring true. In my case, I brought my son back to the UK five and a half years ago against his dad´s wishes, got ordered back to Australia 5 months later, then legally returned to the UK two years after that with my son. My ex and I still don´t talk (his choice not mine), but I did, and still do maintain a very good relationship with his parents and it is that good relationship that has helped to smooth things over. They took my son over to Australia for his first trip back there (as per the court order) and the first time they went I was on tenter hooks as to whether he would come back, but my ex´s mum assured me she would bring him back and she did. The second time they took him I was more relaxed about it, and my son came back again. When they have my son for visits, which is weekly (as they also help out with after school childcare) they bring him back on time, and both me and them have my sons interests at heart, which is what this is all about. My son always adored his paternal grandparents, and due to the way their son treated me I could have been very bitter and cut them out of our lives, but that would only have hurt my son. It wasn´t always this good when it first happened, but time has gone on, things have got easier, things have been forgiven, and some trust has been rebuilt. If you can build up a relationship with your ex´s parents and deal with them instead of your ex then this might assist you too. If they can see that you want the contact to be a two way thing and you don´t want to cut her off from her dad I´m hoping they will be as supportive as my ex´s parents. Hope you see your daughter again soon.
From TJ / Posted: 30/11/2010
I can empathise with you. I am in Trinidad and the courts did the same thing with my ex and our children my youngest is 17 months old and at the time she was 14 months old. My eldest is 3 years old. I left for the UK to try and get advice (big mistake) but I couldn´t take them with me as my ex wouldn´t allow me to. Within a week without my permission my ex had moved our babies out of our house, made the children wards of the court claiming I was unstable. I am fighting him now. He is a prominent person here in the West Indies with a good job and standing in the community. My court hearing is a week on Tuesday for custody..
From TJ / Posted: 01/04/2011
just to let you know, I got temp custody back of my babies, it took four months. We now go to trial in July and I am asking permission to remove them from the jurrisdiction..
From guy / Posted: 16/04/2011
apparently in the UK its the other way around - men seem to have no rights! What a cuckoo world we live in. No-one in government seems to have any common sense, humanity or compassion.
From katrina / Posted: 16/04/2011
Are there any websites available for parents going through this? like another forum we can tap into to provide some support?
From Anne / Posted: 28/07/2012
TJ - any news - did you get the right to remove. I´m not far from you and am trying to go home. Any tips on how to deal with the courts?
From RMC / Posted: 03/08/2012
This message is to Rebbeca, your parent are the example of real parenting and every should take a lesson from it, they have though of you first before anything else!! these nasty men & women should put them self in the kids position before acting.

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