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This forum offers parents the opportunity to voice their own experiences of international parental child abduction, and related issues, and to share useful information with others in a similar situation.

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It took 2yrs, now we are home....

by Home at last / Posted 27/06/2009 / Updated 01/08/2009

Firstly, before I post my story here, I am sorry for those who are in pain, either from losing their children to those who are isolated in a different country trying to get home..... please donīt judge me and my story, I am writing this in hope to give faith for anyone who was in my situation. We all have pain, please donīt blame me for yours. Thank you.

I abducted my children over 2yrs ago, I shall not go into detail. But the basics are - my ex husband was throwing me and my children out of the home in Australia, I was mentally and physically abused, I was deeply depressed. We had no money and no where to live, so I jumped plane and took our children to my home land, UK. I was then put through the HC and sent back to Australia. It took 2yrs of court hearings, psychologists, psychiatrists, near suicide and over $100,000 au in fees. It was the hardest 2yrs of my life, we lived in poverty as I wasnt eligible to work or claim, my depression got deeper and deeper, my isolation was awful where the only adult interaction I had was for 2-3 hrs A WEEK, the rest of the time it was me and the children.
We eventually got to our final court hearing and my ex husband was revealed to be the person he is, a liar and a selfish man to name only 2 of his traits.
The result was that we were to relocate sooner rather than later. My ex eventually agreed after a 2yr fight, he agreed and I got a consent order to allow us home. I remember that day so well, I walked taller from court that day, I cried from relief, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted. We were going home.
We are now home, have been for a while. I try to push the past away and havenīt been on this site for a long time. Not until I received an email about a lady going through what I did and thought of this site.... so many of us from both sides on here, all in pain, all in limbo.... life can be very painful. Take care all, god bless and have faith. It was the best option for my children that we all came home here, if we hadnīt of I doubt they would have such a healthy happy mother as they do now. My depression still lingers, but I am getting better, I have no suicidal thoughts now, I see clearer, we are home, we have support, and we have people around us who love us dearly. Unfortunately their father has not financially supported his children, out of sight - out of mind regards to who pays for their day to day living....

God bless all the children in the middle....

Responses

From Norma Withers / Posted: 01/07/2009
Good for you. I do understand - I did the same, although it did not work out so well. And I also understand how hard it can be to read this forum - to worry about all the parents and children. Best wishes to you all.
From lina / Posted: 10/07/2009
My situation seems so mild compared to yours, I wonīt go into detail. Thereīs some very WOW stories on this forum, so glad my friend told me about it. You sound so strong. I donīt think Iīd be brave enough to take my kids like you did. As a mother, we instinctively know whatīs best for our kids. Even for somthing as simple as a fever. We can feel their chest and know whether they need to go to a doctor or not. Unfortunately some people think we donīt know WHERE or WHO is best for our children to live.I canīt decide what to do with my situation. $100,000 in court fees!!! Ok so thatīs alot of money. Is that just in legal fees, with a fancy pants lawer or is that including airfares etc. You were on your own, in a foreign country, with your young children (you didnīt mention how old, maybe they were older) and you had no money and no where to live. Where did you find the strenth to make it all the way back to the UK on your own? Besides the father not contributing financially (is that legal) are you doing ok on your own in the UK. Obviously you have family and friends for support but is it ok. Is that the end of the story with their father? Do you still have to be in contact with him? Is he also in the UK. And sorry for all the questions but how did you find the legal system in Australia? I think Iīve got alot of thinking to do now and alot of research too. This forum is quite an eye opener and also makes you greatful for the little things you have. Like Norma said - I too worry for all the parents and children I have read about on these pages. Good luck to you and your children. Sounds like now have a smile on your face.
From jackie / Posted: 01/08/2009
I cried when i read your post, you could have been talking of my situation, i was only resident for 7 concecutive months over a 1 year period. I was dragged through the Australian courts by my ex partner trying to keep our children in Australia. We just wanted to come home, and as you we had nothing no family and only 2 English friends that i had met over there, was being evicted from our home all our finances were held by lawyers and yes it cost me $40,000 for a 3 month court case before i had consent orders to return to the Uk. Then further costs of flights and shipping our worldly goods home. I just could not understand how he could go to a court with lies and no evidence to back up what he was saying yet it was up to me to prove him wrong and that came at a considerable expense. Although my case was only 3 months long it felt like i was never going to get home with the girls, there was no support for what he was putting not only me through but his children, i too saw a councellor weekly and the domestic violence support group gave me hope and strength to get through each day. We had no government help in housing or financially. I had no choice but to stay in the house and held my breathe the consent order came through before the court eviction notice. I felt bad i was living there and had no means to pay the rent, but i needed a roof over my childrens head. My ex was trying to put me in a situation where i could not look after my children physically and emotionally he very nearly succeeded, but for the support of my family and friends in the uk and lots of late night chats to keep me focussed. Like you i too thought of suicide, never in my life have i ever considered that. We agreed to contact to help support the childrens relationship with their father. I came home March 2008 and returned for the month of August for his contact for 4 weeks. That went really well for the children i called them everyday and they seemed happy. 4pm the friday they were to be returned, they never came i received a text from him saying they are not coming back. Again the Australian courts were involved, they left me all weekend before they would issue a recovery order as "he may return them on sunday" I could not believe i was going through this again, we were only there for a contact visit, again i was drawn up in red tape. I eventually returned to the UK end of sept 2008 with the children. He has now applied for full custody of our youngest child who is 10. I am again stuck in an Australian court case that I can il afford. As the 1st case I am the one who is having to prove my childs best interest. He has had very limited contact with her since August 08 and has not maintained his children financially or used his contact order for Xmas in the UK. However just last week the Judge in Australia has advisd me of the consequences of being in breach if I do not send her to Australia from 2nd August 2009. My gut feeling is he will not send her home and as I cannot afford to travel this time, the Judge didnt seem to understand why I wont be sending her 10,000 miles away. I offered for him to have contact with her in the UK with her grandmother (his mothers home) he declined. Reunite have been really helpful and supportive and there are so much more support in the UK. I dont feel alone and destitute. Iīm working again now and have holidays and loads of fun with my children now, we are happy and feel safe and secure now were home. If anyone knows of anyone who is contemplating leaving their home country, let them know how things can go so wrong if you wants to come home, maybe i was naive in thinking we are all British so we can leave when every we wanted. Well my case continues I am stronger now to deal with all the stresses and strains of international family law and im sure it will all end one day and he will be the father the children need.

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