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This forum offers parents the opportunity to voice their own experiences of international parental child abduction, and related issues, and to share useful information with others in a similar situation.

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In a dilemma

by Erika / Posted 10/12/2009 / Updated 21/12/2009

After living in Spain for nine years with my Spanish partner I made a decision to leave him and bring our 5yr old son with me, I had no idea a mother could "abduct" the child that she had cared for 24/7 since his birth. I was very depressed in Spain, isolated, living in the countryside with no transport when my partner was working, when he wasnīt working he was usually "out", straight to the bar after work and spent most of the weekend doing his own thing away from home. His language was abominable in front of his child, when angry, I once heard him threaten to "smack him in the mouth" though when not angry he was ok with him. He never played with his son, never bathed him, put him to bed, only ever took him out when he felt obliged to visit his mother but he liked the comfort of having us there in the house. I was very ill for a year when our child was a baby, he commented that he hurt in all of his body too from working. I could go on...
Our child has shed no tears over his father, loves living here, loves school. His first language is English, his best friends in Spain were English. My ex partner rings every day to speak with his son and try to persuade me to go back as he misses us, realises that he treated us badly and says he has changed. He says he is fed up with living on his own, feels a failure and constantly threatens to take legal action to get his son back if I wonīt return. Incidentally, he has a son from a previous marriage that he severed all ties with on their separation some 15 yrs ago. I am sick with worry and fear, he has the papers prepared and will go to court the next day that it rains and he canīt go to work. I am thinking of returning as I donīt want to risk losing my son and I donīt want any more upheaval than is necessary for him, I do also feel sorry for my ex partner. Will my son feel more secure if I go back with his dad and make the best of it? Anyone else been in a similar situation out there?
I would like to thank Joanne from reunite by the way, it was a comfort having someone to talk to about this and give me the correct information.

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