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abduction threat to indonesia

by baligirl / Posted 23/02/2010 / Updated 17/11/2012

Hello. I was in a relationship with a Bali beach boy. I got preganant, left indonesia, had the baby in uk and as the father could not be present at the registry office he is not on the birth certificate. I took my daughter aged 1 on holiday to Bali where we spent time together as a family,he always introduced me as his wife, and all went reasonably well, save from a few of his friends suggesting I leave the child with the father, who lives in a slum, and who would follow the custom of sending the child to Java to be raised by God knows who. I returned to the Uk after 2 months in Bali and stopped communicating with my fiancee after he asked me to send him money. I now (after 6 months) re contacted him to tell him that Iīd like to re visit, but he passed the phone to a german woman tourist who demanded i hand the baby to "them", described herself as his fiancee(he usually has 7 girlfriends on the go) and said that if i come to Bali the child will be taken to the Java jungle and I will never see her again and many more threats as well as personal insults.Silence from my daughterīs father. I would like to continue holidaying in Bali and make a police report agains this woman, but i guess the risks are far too many and she will win in preventing me to return to Bali

Responses

From Lord Protector / Posted: 03/03/2010
Hello BaliGirl,

That beach boy is a deadbeat and useless to your daughter and you.
I am a man and a dad who knows what it is to be responsible and who is in the situation of having taken steps to prevent the possible abduction of my two sons by their mom to Japan.

Your daughter is yours and not that German womanīs or whoever she may be.
What is she going to do? Come here to threaten you? She wouldnīt dare.

Now to your daughter.
She is your first priority and nothing and nobody else matters. Has this so called dad of hers taken any steps in terms of treating you with the honour due you as the mother of his child? Has he made any attempts to make proper arrangements with you as to how you would both contribute to raising this child you have both had? What sacrifices has he made to ensure that his daughter has access to him but without threats to you or to take her from you to be raised by whoever?
Step most carefully, Lady, or you will lose your daughter who will end up living a life she was not meant to.
Tough as it is, if this means that you will never again go to Indonesia, then that is the price you will have to pay to protect your child. You owe it to her simply because you are her mother and the only sane parent she has.
Why take the risk and the very likely massive heartache that may result if you do go to Bali?
Parenting is about sacrifices and this is the one you must make to safeguard your daughter.
I wish you the best.
From Nick Johnston / Posted: 03/03/2010
Baligirl,
reading you story it appears that the relationship between yourself and the father of your child has completely ended and has little, if any, chance of resuming. You have your daughter living with you and are probably able to provide a much more stable and enriched upbringing for her as she grows up in this country. Apart from any obvious matters the childs father and friends have made it very clear that should you return back to Bali with your daughter she will be taken away from you. This does not prevent you going to Bali in the future for holidays. First, do not let the childs father or anyone else connected to him that you are visiting the country and secondly, do not take your daughter with you, leave here with family over here. Making a police report over in Bali will achieve very little and they probably will not do anything about it. It is time to move on from a small part of your life and look to the future with the best interests of your daugher at heart. It would be nice for her to know her father and enjoy time with him but at the moment this will not happen unless you want to risk loosing her altogether. I wish you both well for the future.
From Jon / Posted: 24/01/2012
Please please please, donīt ever take your child to Bali again, I was married to an Indonesian woman who abducted my kids to there in 2007, itīs a matter of thinking the children are soley their property, and itīs all about winning for them, I went back to Indonesia to search for mine, it cost me my job, my home and my savings, I eventually found them early in 2011, and while spending time with them was surrounded by family, friends neighbours, some carrying machetes, itīs not just for the Mother about winning, but the whole family and community, they think that as the children have some Indonesian blood in them then the child belongs not to the family or community. but to Indonesia as a whole.
From Michael Donnelly / Posted: 17/11/2012
This is an old thread, but maybe I can help baligirl or someone else: I lived over 20 years in Bali. The term for your Bali beach boy is "Kuta Cowboy." It is a lifestyle - look it up on the internet. You were never anything but a potential source of income. Your child is still a potential source of income if he can hold her hostage. It would be incredibly stupid to ever return with your child to Indonesia, find somewhere else for a vacation.
My children and I fled Bali in 2007 ahead of a death threat. I narrowly escaped losing them forever. The entire story is on uluwatu.com and the book Eleven Demons - Secrets of Deincarnation in Bali. For anyone with a spouse and children in any kind of "paradise" maybe this story can help.

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