Reunite International
Reunite International Homepage

Parents Forum




Submit a new topic for discussion

Unfortunately there was an error processing your Topic
Please fill in the following numbers into the provided box.
Thank you for creating a new topic for discussion. Your topic will appear on the website shortly.

This forum offers parents the opportunity to voice their own experiences of international parental child abduction, and related issues, and to share useful information with others in a similar situation.

reunite reserve the exclusive right to refuse to publish any submissions at their discretion. Submission of comments does NOT in any way guarantee publication.

Please note all posts are checked by reunite staff before appearing here. Anything considered offensive, defamatory or that may be a contempt of court will NOT be posted.

The views placed on the Forum are independent and are not necessarily the views of reunite.

Emigrate to Oz

by Lisa H / Posted 01/04/2010 / Updated 11/08/2013

My husband has secured a great job in Oz and I wish to emigrate with him and my two children. Unfortunately the ex has said NO. I have now applied to the court for permission. Is there anyone out there that has been through this rollercoaster and can give me any advice/reassurance - I can´t imagine being stuck in the UK whilst my husband lives in Oz through necessity to support his family!

Responses

From Rebecca / Posted: 07/04/2010
Hi Lisa,
Without knowing how old your children are, how long you have been divorced from your ex husband, how often the children see their father, and what the children´s views are on this it is hard to give any advice or reassurance, but if they are young and see their father regularly then I think you will have a very long and costly battle ahead and you would have to provide proof of how often your children would be able to return to the UK to spend time with their father, how he would be able to spend time with them in Oz and afford to travel, you would have to provide funding for it too and a whole heap of other things, only to be turned down. The court may view that if your husband is prepared to move to Oz for a better paid job to support the family, could he not find better paid work here, even if he had to travel to the other end of the UK to do so, and return home at weekends? On the other side of the coin, I went to Oz in 2004 with my partner and our son because he found a better job and convinced me that we would have a better life out there, so I went. Things did not go according to plan and it turned into my worst nightmare. Within days we were arguing, within weeks we had separated (he´d found someone else), and then I was trapped there because he wouldn´t let me come home with our son, so I had to fight for the right to come home. How much have you looked into all of this? Have you ever been to Oz before? Have you got a job lined up? Have you got a support network out there? It´s nothing like these TV programmes A New Life Down Under etc, it´s bloody hard and lonely at times, especially when you´re the one at home with the kids 24/7 and no real friends or family to help out, but the other half is enjoying the challenge of a new job, meeting new people, networking etc. We don´t realise the things we take for granted over here with our support network of family and friends. Also, if your ex husband was proposing to move to another country with a new wife and decided he was going to take the kids with him, what would you do? Readily agree and let him take them, or say no and fight for them to stay here with you? If he sees his kids regularly and has a close bond with them then you can´t really blame him for saying no, but on the other hand he could be the type of bloke that never sees his kids, never pays any maintenance, never sends them birthday cards etc, but is doing this purely to stop you getting on with your life. As I say, without knowing a bit more it´s hard to advise you.
From lizzy / Posted: 10/04/2010
hi Liza , well first of all , you ex is the father of the two children , so in the same way that you couldnt imagine being in the uk while your husband is in Oz, im sure your ex husband feels the same at the though of losing his children .. As a parent im sure you must understand that, obviously i dont know the age of the children or if he supports them and the amount of time he spends with them , but the fact that he is not in agreement has to be taken into account..

If your husband has secured a job in Oz , he obviously wasnt looking at the full picture , and my advice to you would be to think hard and long about trying to remove yourself and the children to the other end of the world.. The grass isnt always greener on the other side as many of us on this site know only to well... i do remember a judge saying to a friend of my in a leave to remove case in spain,, you lady can choose to live where you want , but the father wants his children here ,their friends are here , their school is here and here they will stay..

From ac / Posted: 21/04/2010
Hi Lisa,
I feel for you, you have a real dilemma. Seems you feel hard done by that your ex is standing in the way of your life and it´s progress. It´s understandable. However, your email is all about ´you´. Not the children. Put yourself in ex´s shoes and reflect on that ... how would you fell if the tables were turned. If it was your ex moving to the otherside of the world with your kids.

If ´you´ want move with your new husband, have a life with him in Australia, if thats your true dream ... go for it. Leave the children behind - I´m sure your ex will gladly take care of them.

And whatever the courts decide, if you want to battle your ex and which most of the time is biased towards mothers, what a waste of time and resources. There are far bigger and far more real concerns ... the lives of innocent children that get screwed up because one or another adult parent decides they want to "move on", they want to be "happy". This may seem harsh in the light of your own personal circumstances which only you know. Yet it is not fair or right for children to be separated by oceans and continents ... Australia is the furthest country in the world from the UK and taking your children there will put a permanent nail in the coffin your children´s father and his relationship with his children (and vice versa)! Choices choices ... sometime I wonder why people ever get together ...
From Ellen / Posted: 24/04/2010
Your ex I am pretty sure has parental responsibility as do you. He can probably apply for and possibly get a prohibitive steps order, probably until the children are 16 and this will prevent you taking them overseas permanently without written permission and making a court undertaking to return them to the uk in event of a holiday. The court may make it a provision that he also adheres to this ruling if he takes them on holiday.
From Ellen / Posted: 24/04/2010
Forgot to add, yes I have been through it and it is extremely traumatic for the parent that could be facing not seeing much more of the their children. Think of what is best for the kids. I think the security of seeing both sets of parents wins anytime over "Shangrila"
From Lisa / Posted: 25/04/2010
Hi - thanks for the comments - in answer to the comments - my sons are aged 9, they see their father approx 30 days per year. My husband is in a very specialist industry hence no jobs in UK (dieing industry due to weather) therefore Lizzy your comment that my husband "wasn´t looking at the full picture" is very wrong! This decision has certainly not been lightly but having just spent 3 weeks in Oz researching etc the grass is certainly greener and a fantastic life for my children.

I have no family in the UK to help out so I won´t miss what I´ve never had!


I am interested in hearing from anyone that has been through the court procedure in UK - ideas how long it takes etc.
From Rebecca / Posted: 29/04/2010
Hi Lisa, it took me two years to ´relocate´ from Australia back to my home country, (the UK) and cost me in excess of £50,000. My ex fought every step of the way to keep his son in Australia, he dragged things out, failed to co-operate with certain things etc, hence the time and the cost. If your ex feels the same way as mine did then that may give you an idea on time and cost. If your ex decides to agree and allow you to go and it is all done with mutual consent, then this will obviously be a lot quicker and cheaper. There will still need to be court orders in place which will detail how much contact will take place, how frequently, etc and you will more than likely be expected to contribute 50% of the flight costs so that this contact will be able to take place.
From Ellen / Posted: 03/05/2010
I have been through the court system as a parent facing having my child removed from the UK to Australia. I have also lived in Australia and on balance, as far as a child is concerned, the love and support of both parents as a continuum far outweighs better prospects and not seeing the father or mother indefinitely. Your husband can take preventative measures which the courts may leave in place until the children are 16 and then they can decide for themselves. Alerts are put in place to the relevant passport authorities as caveats. It will be costly for either party btw.
From dermo / Posted: 23/03/2012
ellen where do i get advice about this. my ex is hinting that this may be in the offing with my 9 and 12 year old? she is a childrens social worker aged 47 and has a friend who left four years ago. im terrified that she may try to move them to Oz and it has been a hostile separation with lots of parental alienation. it would efectivly mean the end of my relationship with my children.

Post a response

Please fill in the following numbers into the provided box.