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This forum offers parents the opportunity to voice their own experiences of international parental child abduction, and related issues, and to share useful information with others in a similar situation.

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charlie

by stewart / Posted 07/06/2010 / Updated 24/06/2010

charlie was taken by his mum when he was 8 she took all the money she could and lived it up in spain.i had her traced and taken to court for visitation rights but sadly it never happend. when charlie was 12 all the money run out and she was forced to return. the only time i got too see him was when his mother became ill with cancer. then in october last year she sadly died charlie was now 15 he did not really know me and all his friends and school was to far away for him to want to come and live with me. he is so alone being brought up by my wifes ex boyfriend he wants to move out but social services say that now he is 16 he can only do that if he goes private how can a young boy get access to private renting and he is still at school. in the last 8years charlie has been through hell and now with all the pressures of exams becoming a young man and forced to live with a drunk.im so worried for but no way to helpppppppppp

Responses

From Rebecca / Posted: 24/06/2010
Hi Stewart, your poor son is grieving for his mother the way that any child would at 15/16 yrs old, regardless of where they lived. Understandably, everything that has been a regular routine in his life is now all that he has, and to leave behind his friends/his school/other people who have been a constant figure in his life, would be like a further bereavement. For this man to take on his ex partners child from a previous relationship must show he does care about him, even if he is not an ideal candidate in your eyes.
Is there some way that you could make regular trips to where he lives to build up a relationship with Charlie? Then once you have done this, invite him to stay with you for a weekend? Once you have formed a relationship/friendship with him and made it clear that he has a home with you that he can come to (once he´s tried it out), it will give him some more options to consider for his future. Why not write him a letter telling him how you feel? That way he can read it time and again and take in what you have to say at his own pace. If he rejects what you have to offer, don´t give up, keep writing to him on a weekly basis. This may take some time, but once he knows you are persistent in staying in contact it will help him to build some trust with you. After all, he must be wondering where you have been for the last 8 years, so you can´t come into his life again now and then give up. You don´t know what his mum told him about your absence from his life and this will more than likely need to be sorted out, but all of this on top of his bereavement could be too much for him to bear at the moment, so take it slowly but keep on going. Good luck.

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