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This forum offers parents the opportunity to voice their own experiences of international parental child abduction, and related issues, and to share useful information with others in a similar situation.

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fleeing abuse

by sue / Posted 30/09/2011 / Updated 15/12/2011

Hi everyone,
I desperately need some advice about the extremely difficult situation Iīm in
I currently reside in England I have two children one from a previous relationship ,and one with the most recent partner who I am fleeing from.there has been many incidents of dc which I have documented officially ,3 of these incidents my ex served time for,abh gbh and battery ,he comes from Albania and currently holds indefinite leave to remain status here within the UK.i am Irish but a British citizen and I am considering returning home to nothern Ireland but am concerned my ex can force me to return to England under the Hague convention..although both "states"are within the UK.
I have no insight into this matter at all and would really appreciate some advice from anybody with the slightest knowledge or insight.
I should add that my ex has no parental rights at the moment and is currently In prison ..should I move fast or would that make a differnce
Thanks for taking the time to read my post,hope it makes sense.


From Rebecca / Posted: 27/10/2011
I would advise you to contact your local domestic violence support service in your area (your local police station should be able to tell you where they are if you canīt find them on google). The fact that you are a victim of DV and your ex has been convicted for some of these offences would mean that you are able to obtain help and support for free. They will assist you with legal help for a residency order for your children and it is likely Childrenīs Services will become involved in your case too due to the effects of the domestic abuse witnessed by the children. You would also be able to apply for a Non Molestation Order through the County Court to keep him away from you and the children if you can prove the history of violence and then he will have to apply to court for contact. With the support of Childrenīs Services then they may oppose this or require it be supervised. Make enqs to sort this out legally now and you will be protected - if you just flee then it will be harder to act afterwards. If you are in fear of harm when he is released then the police Domestic Abuse Unit in your area can assist you with safeguarding yourself, but again the local domestic violence support service can advise you on this and contact the police on your behalf and accompany you to any meeting. I know this is true because this is the area I currently work in and I deal with ladies in your situation daily.
From K / Posted: 15/12/2011
I understand how you feel and the dilemma of whether to stay or leave. I left my abusive husband a year ago with our two young children and have since been trying to establish a better relationship/bounderies with him for the childrenīs sake, and also to get his consent to move back to my home country. Iīve gone through "legal" channels and mediation to try and achieve this. Over the last year his behaviour has not change (sometimes even got worse) and the police has even been involved. The police suggested I get a non molestation order in place but I donīt think it will help. During this year, I have experienced safety issues for me and the children, constantly worried about whatīs "next", lived in a stuio with the children (and canīt see myself ever being able to afford bigger housing), not received any finanical support from my husband, him refusing me to take the children out of the country and so on...the list can go on and on. I honestly think that our time here to do things "correctly" has been more damaging than if we had moved back to my home country a year ago. At least there, we would have support from my family and have much better prospects of making a living. The children would definitely have been better off in a safe environment, with a large loving family and lots of cousins to play with, a happy mum, better standard of living etc. My children are my main concern and I seriously want to remove them from this horrendously damaging situation where aduse still continues. If I had known a year ago what I know now, then I would not be here in the UK for sure.

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