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This forum offers parents the opportunity to voice their own experiences of international parental child abduction, and related issues, and to share useful information with others in a similar situation.

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Reunited after 14 years...??? support groups ???

by Elaine / Posted 20/03/2012 / Updated 02/01/2014

My daughter was abducted to Iran by her father at age 4. Only had one contact at age six on phone. He returned her back to me when she turned 18, which was 5 years ago. She has been severly depressed since day one, accepted therapy (still seeing one), but did not accept antidepressants. She is very distant which has put a strain on our relationship and all of her relationships. She doesn´t trust anyone and she has to control everything (because her life was so not in her control). Her sister and I feel like she is just a "tenant" in our home. It really hurts. She is numb and very fragile emotionally that if we try to talk to her, she gets very defensive. We are all going to our own counselors. It is very tough. At first I thought it was just her personality or the custom, but now I see that she is emotionally broken and ill. It is extremely difficult to establish any relationship.
I need to speak with moms going through the same things...perhaps a support group for parents who are facing the same struggles I am facing. That would be very helpful

Responses

From Stephen_WK / Posted: 17/04/2013
I feel for you and your family. It just goes to show that being re united does not mean the end of the issues. The damage that can be done is far reaching and can be long lasting. I have not had contact with my daughter since she was 6, she is now approaching 17.......
From Phil / Posted: 01/05/2013
We all long to see our children again and never consider that the nightmare is able to continue.I feel sad for your loss but be patient and kind and love her for who she is and not for who YOU expected her to be.
From cammie / Posted: 02/01/2014
For years now i have tried to find a site "life after abduction" as i would refer to it. Or even set one up if i had the knowledge. Ten years ago now I retrieved my children after a second international abduction. My daughter became 16 on christmas eve and my son was 14 last august. Initially they were traumatised. would wake up in the night and want me with them. they would´nt go out and play unless i was with them. wold not leave the house without me. but gradually life settled down. they would not speak of their experiences unless on rare occasions they decided to mention something when they wanted to.
From cammie / Posted: 02/01/2014
Fortunately, slowly slowly they became settled again. particularly when we moved to a location unbeknown to the abductors. Yet ten years hence, i know they have not forgotten. to put your mind more at ease, your daughter will love you more as time goes by and at times resent you for what happened to her, even when they understand deep down that this was not your fault.. i speak from experience! Once we managed to move away and were no longer the proverbial ´sitting ducks´ for the abductors anymore, things improved.they remain however just as ´clingy´ as they were ten years ago. it is not easy but we are happy. If anyone out there is in the same situation, lets talk? my children would love to speak to others who went through this. and i still use this site to follow other people. yes i am so fortunate to have regained them, and maybe we can discuss the issues we are left with when we retrieve our precious children? any advice reunite could give would be welcome. Please get my contact from them if you wish? It will get better, i promise!

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