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This forum offers parents the opportunity to voice their own experiences of international parental child abduction, and related issues, and to share useful information with others in a similar situation.

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Worried about my wife abducting my daughter

by James / Posted 27/11/2015 / Updated 30/06/2016

I currently live in Japan with my wife, and we have a beautiful 3 year old daughter. Were immigrating to Canada next year. Im Canadian, my wife is Japanese, and our daughter is a dual citizen.

Weve had a rather rocky marriage. My wife behaves in a very immature manner a lot of the time, and believes that since she gave birth, she knows best for our daughter and has every right to do as she wishes and without my consent.

Tonight, she made me promise to allow her to take our daughter back to Japan without my permission if we divorce or theres a big argument or something like that. Of course, all I could do is agree with her. I couldnt disagree, or else my tenuous hold on our relationship would be gone. Im anxiously waiting for immigration to approve her visa so we can move to Canada. Once were in Canada, Ill have some protection by law to be able to have custody of our daughter in case something like this ever happens.

My sister has seen her behaviour, and she says I need to speak to a lawyer as soon as we get to Canada. Somehow, make it so that my daughter is on a watchlist so that if anyone tries to take her out of the country without both of our consent, they will detain her and the abductor. I certainly hope that happens.

You see, if we split up while were still in Japan, I will never be able to see my daughter again. She is everything to me, and I cannot bear to be without her.

My wife dictates what must be done and how its done. She micromanages everything, from what time dishes need to be done, how to do the laundry, which side of the sidewalk I must walk on, and even which intersection Im not allowed to cross at night because it has no traffic signal. If I have a bad day, shes unsympathetic. She displays no empathy toward other people. Whenever shes upset with our daughter, she tells her she hates her. Shes said that if she ever argues with my family in Canada and I disagree with her, shell take our daughter to Japan, and theres nothing I can do about it. This has me torn up inside. My sister says that what she does to both my daughter and I is emotional and psychological abuse.

My daughter is a happy girl with the usual 3-year-olds moodiness. She loves cuddling, and is always happy to see me when I get home. When going to bed, she always wants me to be next to her while she falls asleep. I do most of the care while all of us are home. I get her up, I get her ready for daycare, I give her baths, I feed her, I get her ready for bed, I change her when she needs to be changed. Im basically the one who cares for her while my wife sits at her computer and watches Hulu and tells us to shut up. She never gets up to do anything for herself, she always asks me to do it for her.

I worry about my daughters welfare if she ever follows through with her threats. I just dont know what to do beyond talking to a lawyer in Canada. The next 4 months are going to be agony.

Responses

From Matt / Posted: 30/06/2016
Hello I am in Tokyo too/ similar situation. Just be a doormat abit longer and don´t disagree with her. It´s a bad marriage and she controls you with fear. Keep playing along and make be enquiries on the side until you get safely back to a civilized country that recognizes dual parental rights.

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