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This forum offers parents the opportunity to voice their own experiences of international parental child abduction, and related issues, and to share useful information with others in a similar situation.

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Baby Daughter!

by BM / Posted 26/11/2008 / Updated 13/01/2010

My wife has just returned from a vacation in america with her parents and told me that she wants a divorce and intends to take my 8 month daughter to live there....although I donīt want a divorce we are grown ups and can sort our differences/ separation as grown ups - the problem is the fact that if I want to see my daughter then I will have to move to the US.....I understand about PSO and will do everything that I can to be in my daughters life and for her to grow up knowing her father...she has now moved out of our home back to her parents and I truly cant bear the thought of me not being in my daughters life ....she is 8 months old and who says that america is the best place for my daughter to be raised....not only will I not see my daughter or my daughter see me but it will deprive my elderly parents of a grandchild - I have read with utmost respect comments on this forum about the pain that people are facing but its not until it happens to you that you feel pain that i could never have imagined....I love my daughter so very much. Even though she is at my in laws at the moment I will miss her first words, her first steps etc and that breaks my heart - my beautiful daughter hasnīt a clue what is going on and to deprive her of a loving father is just wrong....I have dealt with many things in my life but at the moment I cannot see past not having my daughter in my life....I will fight until the last breath in my body to have my daughter to have her father in her life.....I am sorry if this sounds dramatic but the pain is unbearable at the moment....

Responses

From Nigel / Posted: 28/11/2008
Dear BM, I am sorry to hear your words. Part of me wants to be honest from my own experiences (as a father, you have no rights at all from what I have seen), part of me tells you to fight it. What can I say? Your dreams of a happy life with this wife and child wont happen, but you can still be a great father and your daughter will love you. Please dont do what I did - waste money on lawyers, fight with wife. Be as friendy as you can, and save money for those trips to the US twice a year. Sorry (man I want to swear)
From BM / Posted: 30/11/2008
Thank for taking the time to respond Nigel I appreciate it. I am really sorry when hearing your last news - what are your plans now?
Iīll deal with this situation as I would all of the others throughout my life with the major difference of the intense pain that I feel every day for my daughter and for myself (if I am honest).... I wish my wife well and she will always be the mother of my only child but I intend to be there for my daughter as much as is possible so that she grows up having at least two loving parents....this hasn´t got any easier yet and I am still numb so any words of support or realism from the forum would be very much appreciated
From ac / Posted: 09/12/2008
Dear BM, I am truly sorry to hear about your misfortune. My daughter was taken away when she was 7mths and 9days old to South Africa ... that was just over 4yrs ago. I agree with Nigel, donīt waste money on lawyers - fathers basically have no rights and spending thousands on the system will only make you more frustrated. Seeing oneīs child after s/he has been removed from your life is a personal decision - there is no right answer. The distance is what will make your life difficult. Its not as if youīll see her every week unless you move there. Regardless, if you choose to maintain contact with your child then try to keep friendly terms with your ex. She holds all the power (until your daughter is old enough) and sadly too many women in this situation use a child to basically wreak havoc on their former partners. I apologise that this is not exactly positive ... it is however honest. I live with the pain of not having my child in my life daily ... ac
From Phil / Posted: 09/12/2008
Hello BM.
The pain you are feeling is truly unbearable and I fully understand how you are feeling (see my own postings).
I know that you would like a solution to the problem ,however I can not give you that.However I can suggest certain steps to take some of which I have done, some perhaps I wish I had done.
Fist try to find the reasons behind your wifes decision. Then see if you can change it.
Keep things amicable (I fully understand the frustration).
If she has not yet gone,seek advise from the Ministry of Justice who will be able to prevent her leaving (yes your wife will be furious but the main objective is you do not let her leave at this point)
At this point I disagree in part with Nigel (although I do understand his comments and respect them).
You DO need legal advise.
You may be able to obtain a free half hour so that you can have a clearer picture of what to do next.
I speak from experience and am currently battling purely for contact rights to my eight year old daughter who is in Spain with a mother(Spanish) who I believe has done nothing but subtley brainwash my daughter against me.
This is after I permitted them to leave August 07 with my wife saying that I could see my daughter when ever I wanted. It is now fourteen months since I saw my daughter!
Oh the benefit of hindsight!
Do not be manipulated by tears and promises ;I was and now I am paying dearly for the love that I had for my wife and her abuse of it.
Finally do NOT wait to put things in place;..........just do it.
Phil
From bm / Posted: 24/12/2008
Thanks Phil I appreciate your kind words. How can someone that you loved be so cruel and heartless using my daughter to get her own way. The legal process has now started. I cant bear the thought of not being in my daughters life and need to do everything I can.
From Chris / Posted: 25/12/2008
It is heartbreaking, my son was removed to South Africa over a month ago without my consent. I finally spoke to him last night for the first time in about a month. And to be honest it broke my heart he sounded so distressed and confused. I have not bothered engaging a lawyer in the UK yet,but expect to have one in south africa shortly. I do have a very strong case but is is equally frustrating and heartbreaking at the same time.

Still be strong as you can, donīt drink, look after yourself health wise. It is the only thing that has got me through to now.
From BM / Posted: 28/01/2009
Chris,thought about what you said about looking after myself healthwise so I joined the gym. I have not touched any alcohol (liked my wine)for two weeks now and been to the gym three time a week resulting in a weight loss of 9lbs (needed to)....so feeling better about myself and get into clothes again...it allows me to channel my frustrations and benefit personally also.
In relation to my daughter, my wife has filed papers for a divorce and to take my daughter to america. This I intend to fight with everything that I have as I believe it is important for my daughter to have her father in her life...I can only hope that this good british institutions legal system is fair and morally true...in summary feeling lots better and so thankyou for your words Chris as they were the catalyst for me getting off my behind and doing something!!
From BM / Posted: 05/12/2009
wow where has this year gone....not going to court until April...been to court to get my daughter overnight and succeeded...CAFCASS now what a shambles that was!...why do parents use their children as weapons...there must be an affect on the child growing up without a loving father in their lives...I thought that I would get used to the pain but it is still as intense today as it was the first time my ex said that her intention was to emigrate to the US with our only baby daughter...I have no choice but to continue fighting and hope that justice and common sense prevails...my heart goes out to parents and grandparents in our position as I wouldnīt wish these feelings on my worst enemy....hang in there everybody and fight for the sakes of our children for what is right...one day somebody with the power to do so must address this real issue and give our children and their children a chance!!
From lisabelova@hotmail.co.uk / Posted: 13/01/2010
You all sound very dissent)) I am sorry to hear of the hart brake you went thru.
It is messed up. I want to live my husband that abused me for 4 years and now moved on to my 2 year old son. I have consulted family lawyer and have been told that he is likely to get unsupervised visits regardless of violence and abduction frets. And if i do not comply he will get residency. And you have to go thru all of that just to see you kids all thou (i assume) you newer hit your wives or frightened your kids so they wet them selves

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