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This forum offers parents the opportunity to voice their own experiences of international parental child abduction, and related issues, and to share useful information with others in a similar situation.

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I am seeking to put safe guards in place before a meeting

by VNI / Posted 18/01/2009 / Updated 17/03/2009

My 11yr son´s father has decied he wants to now forge a relationship with his son. his name isnt on birth certificate and It has been 11yrs. He lives in Germany and I in the UK. I am hoping this could be the start of a good and lasting relationship btw them but I am not allowing for naivety. What precautions can I take to prevent any undesired/possibly harmful event like abduction?

Responses

From virtualmother / Posted: 21/01/2009
Firstly I would get a residence order through the County court of where you live. Since he is not on the birth certificate he will not (or should not) have parental responsibilities but whatever you do DO NOT let him take your son out of the UK.
I would suggest you get him to come over here and then have supervised visits for a while. 11 years is a long time. Do you know why he wants a relationship now with your son?
Best of luck xxx
From ac / Posted: 23/01/2009
No matter what the length of time of separation any decent parent will always want to know and have a relationship with their child. The pain of a bad relationship can force some parents away to cope with the ensuing pain. No parent should be stopped from building a relationship with their child. When an estranged parents wants to know their child i think they shouldn´t be treated like a criminal as this is sure to get their backs up. Perhaps arrange a visit with a mutually known person to start with so your son also doesn´t feel awkward. Do this until a firm bond has been establised and then let father and son build what should be normal for the future.
From Ngozi / Posted: 24/01/2009
Many Thanks to all of you for your rsepones. I WILL take your advice on board. He still hasnt told me why he wants contact but I am putting things in place for an order/supervised visit and trying my hardest not to biased.
From MM / Posted: 17/03/2009
What reason do you have to believe that the father is up to something untoward? It is good that you are allowing this to take place, at least for the son´s sake. It seems that you are suspicious and you probably have good reasons to be after 11 years. But hope for the best and plan for the worst. Like someone else suggested here, choose an open location and keep an eye on him. Do you know whether he has a passport for the child?

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